Bobbi Starr’s Week in Porn • 04.22.11

Some penis extenders actually work, apparently — I have a great feeling about scientists discovering unicorns now. The CDC isn’t just the last line of defense against zombies, it’s the place where clueless docs rail against porn. Destined to be the most boring parody ever made: the upcoming royal wedding. You know I’m right.

What’s new in Juliland.com? EVERYTHING!!! ALL NEW SITE!!! Angel Vain, Ruby Knox and April jGrrl Nicki Hunter in all new fotoland sets! Two new Nicki Hunter movies and an Aiden Ashley flick you have to see to believe in Movieland!

1-800-CHICAGO is not about wind, nor about cities. It’s actually about phone sex. Which I’m sure has something to do with Chicago.

Mainstream movie Drive to show in Cannes. Why is this porn news? Because I’m in it, damn it.

Muslim model poses nude for Playboy and now regrets it. Proves Snooki and J-Wow don’t have the monopoly on bad life decisions.

Damn it 2: Electric Boogaloo — Feminist Porn Awards announced. That movie that won Steamiest Romantic Movie? A Little Part of Me? In that too.

GWAR plans to make good on their offer to fuck anyone who voted for them in Revolver’s Golden Gods Best Live Act award. So…have fun with that GWAR fans.

CDC doc blasts industry for not rolling over to LA Health County health officials. Industry cites privacy laws; doc finds out he can’t present paper because of same privacy laws. Cue wah-wah-waaaaah horns here.

Damn it Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith — Who’s the XRCO’s Orgasmic Analist? Why, I’m the XRCO’s Orgasmic Analist.

Not news: men wanting bigger junk. Actual news: junk lengtheners that actually work.

They’re parodying royal weddings now. Didn’t we fight a war so we wouldn’t have to watch stuff like this?

Attention, citizens of Earth: that top level domain no one wanted is now live. Feel free to bookmark everything in, or vilify everything that is, .XXX.

3D nudie flick tops box offices in Taiwan, Hong Kong. I shudder to think what James Cameron is thinking as far as Avatar 2. Hell, I shudder when I think about Avatar, period.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a porn P2P lawsuit? It’s a lot like being hounded by bill collector, apparently.

And don’t forget: BobbiStarr.com — the only source of porn you’ll ever need.